Stories From The Farplane
by LM11
Summary: FINISHED! Who the hell had came up with the ideal for a group dinner date! Will Jecht be a jerk and ruin it? Will Braska bother to care? And since when did Auron get a girlfriend? It's all here the final conclusion to the Farplane Stories!New Fic Preview!
1. Stories From The Farplane Episode I

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or any of the characters ______________________________________________________________________  
  
Some where in Spira, deep in the bowels of no where there was a lost sphere containing a (temperamental) conversation between Auron and Jecht concerning the here after . Lord Braska had made the atrocious mistake of telling Jecht about the Farplan. Jecht, being the faithless drunk that he was, said that there was no such place.  
  
This of course drove Auron (because at the time had a sever case of Mr. Know-It-allism) to drill into Jecht's head that Farplan was real.  
  
But even after both Braska and Auron had explained to him that those little glowing floating had to go somewhere Jecht remained stubborn. And like most alcoholics got highly arguementive when no one would agree with him.  
  
Auron (who by this point had drawn his sword) said that if he didn't believe in the Farplan he be more than happy to take him there.  
  
Before anyone had to be sent to the hospital, Lord Braska had broken things up. As well as made a mental note of never trying to explain spiritual matters to Jecht again.  
  
But time heals all wounds or at least can causes severe memory laps. So perhaps that is why Auron was happy to be seeing Braska as well as Jecht again.  
  
Now, the entrance to the Farplan mimicked that of an airport, without the hassle of luggage pick up, but never the less twice the confusion. When Auron arrived he expected to greet both of his old friends arms wide open, instead he found himself in the middle of a sea of people who were lost and confused.  
  
His first (un)pleasant surprise.  
  
His instances told him to go seek out the old man with the long white beard. He looked wise. Than again, perhaps it was the fact that the old man was the person who was pinned against the wall and was being yelled at by every one demanding an explanation.  
  
As Auron headed towards him to join the mob he heard a woman's voice yell out his name over the commotion.  
  
"Auron!"  
  
He looked up thoughtfully and tried to seek out the voice.  
  
" Auron save him! Hit the button on your left."  
  
Auron, who assumed the person the woman was asking him to safe was the old fart who was being bum-rushed, did as he was instructed. Immediately a sign flashed on over head that was accompanied by a soothing non-threatening voice.  
  
"Congratulations you have been liberated from the pain, heartache, and over all trials and tribulations of life and are now dead. WELCOME! This is the Farplan. Please, in an orderly fashion meet your friends and family members at the waiting gate. If you are still confused, please wait for one of our assistants to come to you and guide you. Feel free to look around, after all you have an eternity..  
  
Stories From The FarPlan Episode I : No Need For Old Times  
  
" I really want to thank you again, for saving that guy back there " the attendant said for the hundreds time.  
  
" Don't mention it." Auron didn't mind coming to the rescue of anyone in need. It had been the code of the Warrior Monks to be honorable, noble, and stoic to help all those who were in need. Which is the same attitude that got him stuck babysitting for ten years.  
  
The woman who addressed Auron name was Nora, or at least that's what he came to conclude after reading her nametag. She wore one of those long white rob that was partially covered by an equally long blue coat with gold out lining; the kind of outfit that those dopey high priests seem to adore back on Spira. Auron took it that fashion wasn't too important up here, which suited him just fine, he was never to keen on formal wear.  
  
" I'm so sorry about this mess, a great guardian such as your self would have received a five star introduction, but the computers are down" she choked out in her most apologetic voice.  
  
Auron had been in the Farplan waiting area all of twenty minutes and already was getting annoyed by Nora's constant babbling about apologies, so he decided to change the subject to shut her up.  
  
" You said that man back there was a Maester..Maester Halio?" He narrowed his eyes, now where had he heard that name before?  
  
" Yes Maester Halio, he was one of the first Maester and as part of his punishment-"  
  
" Maester are reprimanded here" Auron interrupted looking visible shocked.  
  
A smile extended on Nora's face " oh yes. You see unlike the lower officials and people of Sipra the Maesters knew the true face of Yevon, but kept the deception going even after they knew Summoner after Summoner and their guardians would have to be sacrificed. So as proper punishment we give them the most demeaning task to attend to for eternity."  
  
Auron snickered "so then tell me, what are Seymour and Mika doing?"  
  
" Their both sorting and greeting attendants at the fiend pyreflies entrance of the Farplan"  
  
Auron snorted "doesn't sound that awful."  
  
Nora's smiled darkened " If you think this morning up here was bad; picture it down there all the same confusion except with monster, who are equipped with claws, razor-sharp teeth and black magic."  
  
Auron thought for a moment than raised his eyebrow and smirked "I see your point."  
  
"If you want, I could arange for you to take a tour down there and watch them suffer" Nora offered happily.  
  
"No thank you. I would really just like to meet with Lord Braska and Jecht now." Auron fought the strong urge to accept the attendants offer. The desire to watch his least favorite blue hair mutt and withered-away sneaky- eyed old bastard get tortured tugged at his heart fiercely, but he wouldn't submit. That little trip would be saved as the first group activity once the famous trio was reunited.  
  
" Very well than." The woman's hands, which had been folded neatly the entire conversation, suddenly became undone as her right hand disappeared under her desk and reemerged with a booklet, a rather thick booklet.  
  
Auron's mouth broke into a frown. He was a lover of books, in his younger days he sported quiet the collection, but even in his divine passion for reading he sneered down on booklets. They were filled with half indecipherable information and instructions so vague that they border lined cryptic. Booklets were the tool of the devil or at least Yu Yevon (who one could intrepid as the devil.) He knew he probably shouldn't have bothered to ask, but he did any way. " What's that's for" he said flatly.  
  
" It's just a little How-to-Guide of the Farplan. You'll find a map in there as well" Nora replied polite (annoying) as ever.  
  
Auron ignored the attendant's out stretched hand. " Is there a way I could receive transportation?"  
  
" I'm sorry Sir but the comput-"  
  
" Well is there at least a way I can contact Lord Braska or Jecht so we could have a place where we could meet?"  
  
" No. "  
  
" Why? "  
  
" Because the computers control the main communication processing unit as well."  
  
As a monk and guardian Auron had nearly perfected his ability to hide his emotions, yet he could bearly keep his pose as he snatched the pastel colored piece of trash from the attendant's hand.  
  
***  
  
Three hours, five wrong turns and 145 swears later Auron was at the door step of what he was lead to believed to be Lord Braska's place of residents. When he knocked on the door and saw it was not Lord Braska he could have cut the innocent bystander in two out of frustration (and he probably would have too if the man hadn't been sensed his tension and given Auron new directions.) He should have known not to take instructions from one of those rat-faced dirty looking Guado's. Come to think of it the entire race of Guados resembled gruffy alcoholics who in desperation had mated with sea otters.  
  
Auron relieved some tension at the thought of some old bum soliciting the poor mammal for relations and chuckled.  
  
" What's so funny? I want to laugh" a calm voice said smoothly.  
  
" Yeah it's got to be funny to make that stiff laugh."  
  
'Stiff?' Only one person had the gull to say that to his face (or in this case the back of his head.)  
  
" Jecht! Braska!" Auron adorned a smile that he hadn't worn in years. He wished nothing more than to give them both a swooping hug, but he thought against it. There was no way he was giving Jecht ammunition to shoot his masculinity with later. So he settled with a firm grip on both of their shoulders. " It's good to see you again."  
***  
  
Now that old friends were reunited it was time to talk, well walk and talk seeing how Jecht had just gotten there himself and wanted a look around. Speaking of which-  
  
" Jecht how was it that I didn't see you at the entrance or the lobby" Auron asked.  
  
" I died before you did, you should know that. You killed me." Jecht replied nonchalantly.  
  
"Yes but only by a few minutes" Auron said. He remembered how he felt like kicking himself for going up against Yunalesca after he found out how easy it was to kill Yu Yevon.  
  
"Things work fast here: Ya die, ya go to the gate and have a look around."  
  
Auron abruptly stopped walking. " Things don't move that fast. The computers were down today and the whole entry lobby was in a state of panic" Auron said suspiciously.  
  
"The hell Auron I said I was there, so I was there" Jecht flew up his arms in an attempt to act frustrated. He counted on Auron not wanting to argue. He counted wrong.  
  
" If you were there than tell who was guidance attendant?" Auron snapped.  
  
Braska, who delighted in Auron and Jecht's fights, had been content to stand on the sideline and smile during the situation. Any time when his friends got to bickering they were a two-man comedy routine. In fact he loved all of their fights, verbal or physical. The only time he didn't enjoy a good Auron VS. Jecht fight was when-  
  
" Hey Braska would you tell this stiff I was there. So he'll chill out and stop giving me the third degree."  
  
The only time Braska didn't enjoy their fights was when they pulled him into it and turned a one-on-one match into a three-way dance.  
  
"Auron" Braska began in his usually calm lets-all-make-a-deal voice. He didn't want to make it seem like he was taking a side or things could really ugly.  
  
"There's no need to make big deal out of anything. Jecht is here now and you, despite the set back of being lost are here, are you not? So let's try to.. get along" Braska finished sweetly hoping that the old days would repeat themselves and this would be enough to silence Auron.  
  
Jecht started to laugh and got between Braska and Auron and draped his arms over their shoulders. " Yeah lets stop this fuss'en and be pals. After all you were only lost for three hours. "  
  
Auron didn't respond to the show of affection instead he was taken aback. Jecht was never quick to end any argument especially when he thought he was right. Come to think of it how did Jecht know he had..Auron broke into another frown, almost a sneer. He roughly removed Jecht's arm from around his neck. "How did you know I was lost for three hours? I never told you I was lost for three hours."  
  
Jecht shifted his weight from one foot to the other nervously. "I guessed?"  
  
Auron narrowed his eye in realization at his (soon to be dead twice removed) friend. "You followed me, you watched me be lost?!"  
  
Braska and Jecht exchanged glances, then both smiled weakly.  
  
" Honestly.no harm.. was meant.. by it." Braska said fighting back the urge to bust out laughing.  
  
" I knew it!" Auron exploded " I thought I heard some one laughing at me when I turned down Ultamitica Blv. the fourth time."  
  
" Take it is easy Auron we were just having some fun." Jecht snicker as the vein in Auron's head started to pulsate.  
  
Though both of his friends were to blame he focused in on Jecht seeing as how he liked him the least. " Damn brainless drunkard I should just-"  
  
"Auron don't be that way. Come," Braska said motioning to the Pub across the street from where they were standing. "Let it be like old times."  
  
Auron's anger broke and he began to laugh.  
  
Braska sighed in relief and joined Auron in laughing as well did Jecht; who didn't see what was so funny but was eager to end the situation so he could get drunk.  
  
Though neither High Summoner nor former guardian would have laughed had they notice the deceit in Auron's eye.  
  
"You want old times," Auron said continuing to laugh. " I'll make it just like old times." Auron pulled back his fist about to knock out Jecht when. He heard and saw a familiar woman scream Jecht's name and come running up to him locking him in a long passionate kiss.  
  
" Oh honey I so glade to see you again" the woman shrieked and bind Jecht in another emotional embrace.  
  
"Isn't that wonderful" Braska put on one of his classic goofy smile.  
  
Auron starred at the couple still confused. Who was this woman? He just knew he had seen her some where be-"  
  
" Braska I like to introduce you to my wife Kolista." Jecht said beaming as if he were holding a champion ship cup. She was quiet the prize after all.  
  
Auron's mouth dropped open; Kolista was vibrant, lovely, and full of life (for a dead person). She was an absolute vision. This was not the same woman he had meant back in Zanarkand ten years ago.  
  
" Hello Auron, it's been a long time."  
  
Auron just rose an eyebrow but didn't speak; he was still in shock at her transformation.  
  
I know I look a little well.different from the last time you saw me." Kolista chimed cling to Jecht's waist  
  
" Little different my ass. Last time I saw this woman she was a stringy- hair snot nose sniffling disaster, surrounded by a fort of Kleenex refusing to change out of her nightgown."  
  
Auron kept his feelings to himself and managed to give a half way polite node.  
  
Kolista turned her attention back to her husband, and with puppy dog eyes and asked "where were you? I must have waited an hour at the entry gate." She pouted than playfully slapped him on the chest. "There were so many rude people there today, what with all those die-hard Yevon believers committing suicide and all."  
  
Braska shuddered. So that's why the lobby was so crowed with frantic Spirans today. He knew that once the cover was blown on that bogus religion the shit hit the fan.  
  
Jecht chuckled to give himself the ample stalling time he needed to pump out a decent lie. " I didn't see you. So I went to look for you babe." He grinned up at his two friends for their confirmation to help sell the fabrication.  
  
Braska smile and shook his head. He, being married himself, knew the importance of making a story believable; seeing as how one false word could land Jecht in Sofa City.  
  
Auron on the other hand was not married, and had no sympathy towards the situation. In fact he saw this as the perfect time to get back at his so- called friend for his prier escapades.  
  
" Yes, he looked so hard that he completely ignored the sign at the entry gate that stated: Wait For Your Family and Friends Here." Auron smiled sarcastically "and went strait to the Pub."  
  
Kolista's sweet enchanting eyes morphed into a dark glare as she pushed away from her blitz-for-brains husband. " Honey" she said still smiling but gritting through her teeth. "What's Auron talking?" She made emphasized on her question by digging her nails into her beloved's side.  
  
Jecht's eyes shot down to his wife "nothing" he squeaked out as the first real shot of pain rain through him.  
  
Kolista became satisfied and dislodged her long sharp nails from her husband's tender flesh. Upon doing so Jecht regained his composure and snarled at Auron; something his wife managed to miss. Old Cyclops wanted to play dirty huh?  
  
" Awww babe don't pay no attention to Auron" Jecht smirked. " He just likes to tease me because the last and only woman he was ever with was a ratty- hair red head Al Bhed woman with two tons of makeup on say'en: Now how am I charge'en ya, by the second or the minute."  
  
Braska started laugh, until he remembered that his wife was Al Bhed. "Hey" he cried defensively.  
  
That had done it, now Auron was pissed, but he recalled his monk training and took it in stride. His old master's words came into recollection:  
  
"Auron my son, when in battle the fight cannot be won by just strength alone. You must be as cunning as the wolf and as swift as the fox.....oh yes and by the way . When in an insult contest exploit your opponent's greatest flaw. Than use it to crush him."  
  
Auron smiled, he was going to enjoy this. " Well Jecht I expect you to say something like that. When it came to the ladies you were always a blond man yourself. I was really quiet shocked to see your wife was a brunette. I mean all the women that you ran around with were blonds." Auron pretended to go into state of surprise and flung his hand up over his mouth "opps! Didn't mean to say" he cooed.  
  
Uh-oh, that did it, Jecht's bride flew into frenzy. Now Kolista was a bueaty and she loved her man to death, but the woman had a jealousy problem the size of Luca. After all Jecht had cheated on her what..ten..twelve times before and that was just when he was back in Zanarkand.  
  
Auron laughed heartily as Jecht tried to calm down his enraged wife, but was only greeted by slaps and scratches.  
  
" Naw baby! Now stop it, ya know it wasn't like. I would never cheat on you again." Jecht said, finally grasping a hold on Kolista's violently swaying arms.  
  
" Of course not!" She spat "not after last time with Sara!"  
  
"Mara" he corrected.  
  
Kolista's cheeks burned a nasty red "Son of bitch! You remembered her name?!" In the heat of her angry she gained temporary super strength, she broke free of Jecht's grasp and kicked him full force in the shin.  
  
Jecht let out a string of swears as he hopped up and down on one foot in serious pain. Kolista had surprising accuracy and hit perfect aim on an old Blitz Ball injury.  
  
"You can just go on home with Mara or Sara or Terra or who ever other hoe you've been messing around with!" She was bluffing, if he actually every did full fledge leave her for any one, why she would just die.again. Never the less it didn't stop her from stumping off down the street and making a scene.  
  
" Wait! Kolista! Please!" Jecht yelled. He went after her, limping all the way.  
  
Both Auron and Braska were rolling with laughter by now as well as the audience that had accumulated on the sides of the street.  
  
Just before he turned the curb Jecht whisked around, shook a fist high in the air and screamed " I'm gonna get you for this Auron! This isn't over." Then he limped out of sight.  
  
Braska held his side, still unable to cease his laughter but managed to get out "you guys are going to make it interesting up her aren't you?"  
  
Auron smirked a smirk of (temporary) victory. "Why it'll be just like old times." 


	2. Stories From the Farplane Episode II

Long ago before Jecht ever thought about picking up a blitzball he had given up on all academic ventures. He had never fancied the three Rs,(reading, writing, and arithmetic) particularly the first two. Thus school had been a pestering drag in his life. Every single day his stupid teacher lecturing him about how he'd better 'buckled down and study' or he would turn out to be a real nothing in life; being some low-life toilet cleaner. He would always blow the old hag off. What did she know? Just because she was a teacher (and had spiffy degrees and all that jazz) didn't mean she was any smarter than he was, or did it? He wasn't sure and thinking about such things made his tiny brain hurt. So he would always push the thought out of his mind.  
  
Fortunately for Jecht Mother Nature had been kind enough to exchange brainpower for sheer psychical ability (or he probably would have been that dreaded Toilet Cleaner).  
  
But alas, every now and then Jecht would come to silently regret of not pursuing his metal abilities. Well, at least to the point where he didn't have to stop and look up every other word in the dictionary when had took to read something.  
  
Tonight happened to be one of those 'every now and then' nights.  
  
Jecht was sprawled out on the living room couch attempting to read the newspaper. Thanks to Auron, the horribly uncomfortable sit was now his temporary sleeping accommodations  
  
He had turned to the Sports section, but he could hardly find any sport that didn't include himself appealing. He then figured he give the local 'Living News' section a try, but after running up on a snag of coming to the forth word he didn't understand, he flung the paper into the floor in frustration.  
  
Jecht gave up on trying to entertain himself and decided to go to sleep, but he had a flat pillow.  
  
Kolista, in her rage, had carelessly (or perhaps purposely) swooped up the less 'finer' bed adornments and dumped them on him and stormed into their bedroom and fell asleep.  
  
Jecht fluffed up his pillow and cursed to himself as he tried to make do with what he had. "Damn woman, with her damn hot temper. Damn lousy uncomfortable couch. Damn Auron, with his damn big mouth. Man just wait until I figured out how to get him ba-"  
  
Jecht ceased his swearing as something on the floor caught his attention. The newspaper he had tossed in the floor had flapped open to a rather interesting section. So interesting in fact that Jecht put away his conquest of sleep and the fact that he didn't like reading and rolled off the couch and crawled over to the exposed article of the Farplane Daily.  
  
ARE YOU DESPERAT? ARE YOU LONELY? WAS YOUR LIFE CUT OFF BEFORE YOU COULD FIND THAT SPECIAL SOME ONE? THEN LOOK NO FURTHER! THE LOVE YOU ALWAYS DREAMED OF COULD BE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK! FILL OUT THE FORM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE THEN WRITE A PARAGRAPH TELLING US WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOUR LOOKING FOR. DON'T WAIT! YOUR SOUL MATE IS WAITING FOR YOU!  
  
A nasty cheesy grin (that his nasty cheesy son had inherited) illuminated Jecht's face. In a puff of smoke he disappeared into the kitchen and reemerged with a pen and piece of paper and began to write:  
  
NAME: Auron RACE: Human SEX: Male HEIGHT: 6'0 AGE: 35  
  
Jecht hesitated when it came time to write the personal paragraph. He had to come up with something that was embarrassing yet not humiliating to the point where his dear friend wouldn't get any responses. He wanted there to be lots of responses.  
  
Jecht tapped this pen against his chin for a minute (ten minutes) then.EUREKA! It came to him. He'd just copy some stuff out of those sappy romance novels Kolista was always reading. Copying some one else's work beat doing your own any day, he had learned that much in High School.  
  
Now, where did she keep them? "Hey honey, where do you keep your stupid romance novels," Jecht yelled down the hall to his wife completely ignoring the fact that it was two O'clock mornings.  
  
" Find them your self you stink'in drunk" she snapped figuring that he must be drunk to bother her at such an hour.  
  
Jecht muttered a few dirty words under his breath. This was going to take awhile.  
  
Stories From The Farplan Episode II: No Need For Payback  
  
"34.. 35.36.." Auron's jaw clenched as the tightness in his arms increased with each passing benched press causing every lift after to be more difficult." 37.38.39.40!" Auron let out a long breath and allowed his spotter (Braska) to assist him in putting the 250lb weight back into place.  
  
Everyone in the gym cheered. Though it was not the heaviest weight that had ever been benched a small crowed had still assembled in admiration.  
  
" Wow that was fantastic Sir Auron" a woman from the crowed praised.  
  
" I never seen anyone train with such magnitude Sir Auron" another chimed in.  
  
Even though Auron had no real need for the psychical exertion now that he was in the Farplane. He still couldn't break himself out of the habit of daily training.  
  
Lord Braska smiled faintly at Auron as he tossed him a toile. He could tell by the lack luster expression on his face that he didn't appreciate the attention. It had been a week since his arrival and it was growing customary for Auron to draw attention when he worked out, but today was different. Today the audience was mostly composed of women.  
  
Auron had noticed the over abundance of females in the Training Center when he first began his training session, but took into no consideration. Though now as he stood wiping the sweat from his body he started pondering their sudden appearance. "Braska tell me something. Is it costume for women here to ware make-up when they work out." Auron said motioning with his head to the group of women (whom had been watching him intently but upon seeing him turn his head towards them looked away.)  
  
" I really wouldn't know, I rarely come in here and when I do there certainly aren't any ladies present, " Braska replied. Since being a summoner only require one to know their way around a white magic book and some Aeons, going to the gym wasn't on his priority list.  
  
There was a short pause between the two. Then, after a minute or two of observing the ladies pathetic attempt at pull-ups Auron broke the silence. " I think maybe they are waiting for some one."  
  
A sensual chuckle came from one of the women happened to be in hearing range. She leaned over and whispered to her friend " or maybe it's because of that sexy chest of his." This of course caused the group to giggle and blush to the point where even Summoner and former guardian caught eye.  
  
Auron, who's training attire, included his pants and nothing else glared at them with his good eye. What was going on?  
  
*** " Claire dear" Braska cooed to his wife in his smoothest voice that he reserved just for her. " What is the news with the ladies these days?"  
  
Claire was in the process of making dinner and was focusing nearly all her attention on just that; she hardly grasped the question. " What do you mean?"  
  
" What is the talk among you women today, you know the news." Braska replied nonchalantly as he sat to the kitchen table pretending to read a magazine.  
  
From the time he had gotten home that afternoon up until now Lord Braska had been had been sizing up the right time to question his wife. Claire was making dinner now, so he guessed now was a best time as any.  
  
She was always laughing and socializing with a good majority of the girls in the area. So he figured she must know something about what those women were chuckling about earlier.  
  
" Well I think those long robs are starting to fall out of fashion. Most girls are starting to trash the other girls who ware them." Claire said without taking her eyes off the carrot she was cutting.  
  
"Hmmm.is that so." Braska rose his magazine well up over his face to hide his frown. That wasn't the answer he was looking for. He tried again. "Anything else?"  
  
Claire ignored her husband and drew a large spoon into the gravy she was making and took a taste. " Umm not enough basil." She remarked smack her lips loudly.  
  
Braska peeked from the side of his magazine looking puzzled " Their talking about basil?"  
  
" Got to be careful to add just a pinch, or the basil will over power the other spices. "  
  
" Claire? Claire are you listening to me?"  
  
" Just a little tiny-"  
  
"CLAIRE!"  
  
Braska's seldom-used deep voice startled his wife and made her use more of the basil than what she wanted. It was just a bit more, but being the cooking perfectionist that she was it was enough to make her blood presser rise and incise her to throw a fit.  
  
" Lookwhatyoumademedo! Thestewisprobablyruinednow! Whyareyoualways botheringmewhenI'minthemiddleofsomething?" Claire spat flipping into her one-hundred-miles-a-minute yelling mode.  
  
"Well I was just-"  
  
"Youwerejustnothing! YouneverhaveanythingtosaytomeuntilIgetbusy! HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyou: WhenI'mcookingIneedtoconcentrate!"  
  
Braska rubbed his temples to keep from covering his ears. Claire had quite the high pitched voice when excited.  
  
"Whyareyourubbingthesidesofyourheadlikethat? I'mIworkingonyournerves? Humm, am I?" Tears began to well up in her eyes as she fixed herself to turn on the waterworks." BecauseifIamIjustwantyoutoknowtheonlyreasonI'mdoingthis isforyoutomakeyou-"  
  
" I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TALK ABOUT TO DAY!" Braska screamed to silence his wife's roadrunner mouth.  
  
"Oh" Claire chirped dropping the hysterics instantly and went back to work on her stew. "Well nothing really."  
  
"Nothing.really" he repeated softly. "All that for nothing really?" Braska slammed his head down on the table, ready to give up on his half-ass interrogation.  
  
"Well" she stopped and turned around "some of the girls have been talking about that romance ad in the paper."  
  
"And" Braska sighed keeping his head down but kept conversation.  
  
"I didn't catch his name, but" Claire wiped out a chair across from her husband and shifted into gossip mode and began to whisper for no particular reason. " Who ever he is, he must be a real dish. Every woman in the Farplan is writing in hoping to score a date."  
  
Braska rose his head and stared off into space looking horrified. "Oh no, Auron's going to skewer Jecht for this one. I hope he didn't see it."  
  
On cue, the doorbell rang.  
  
" I'll get" Claire announced leaping from her seat before Braska had a chance to stop her.  
  
" Honey wait! Don't open the-"  
  
" Auron hello"  
  
"Door." Braska let his head slam down on the table again. He tried to think positive. Maybe Auron was just coming over for dinner.  
  
" Dear, Auron wants to talk to you."  
  
Than again, why should he have such good luck. All he did was defeat Sin and cause a ten-year calm.  
  
Braska lifted his head from the table again. He had already prepped his face with an innocent smile in anticipation for one of his friend's deepest scowls, but there was none. Instead Auron was.smiling. He was standing over him, smiling.  
  
This sent a shiver up Braska's spine. Auron hardly ever smiled, often smirked, but never smiled.  
  
" I want to ask you one thing" Auron spoke through a clenched jaw. " And I want you to tell me the truth." His hands shook in fury as he raised the full-page spread of the Romance Ad to the summoner's eye level. " Did you know about this."  
  
Braska's eye's bulged out as he read the main paragraph aloud.  
  
*** The woman that I woe must be fair and true. Delightful and classy; figure of a goddess with lips so supple they rival rose petals. My passionate kisses shall not be spent on anything less. She must have the grace of queen if I am to be her King***  
  
" Oh and that's not all" the vain in Auron's head began to pulsate so fast Braska almost thought he heard it. " My hobbies include: Ballroom Dancing, long moonlit strolls, and reading poetry."  
  
Lord Braska rubbed the back of his neck and gave an uneasy laugh. What the hell had Jecht done, copy that stuff out of a sappy romance novel? " Auron, friend believe me. I knew nothing about this."  
  
"Good" Auron snapped as he rolled up the newspaper. " Then I assume you'll will have no problems lending me a sword or sharp weapon of some kind. I've seem to misplaced my Masamune and I need something to skewer Jecht with."  
  
"Now Auron violence isn't the answer," Claire chided appearing out of nowhere. During the conversation she had carefully hidden herself away near by so she could be in hearing range, without being dismissed by her husband.  
  
Braska jerked his head around to face his wife. Under normal circumstances he would have been furious with her, but seeing the situation he was pleased with her ejection. " Claire is quiet right. No need for violence. Just got to the Editor of the Paper in the morning and tell him there's been a mistake." Braska replied coolly.  
  
" I've got a better ideal" Claire beamed butting into their conversation again. "You should go on some of those dates, have a good time; Show Jecht his plan backfired." She pulled out two bowls from the cabinet for Auron and Braska.  
  
Auron shook his head, stubborn to the core " I shall do no such thing."  
  
"Oh come on Auron. You've got every single woman in the Farplane after you." Braska added while his wife as she served the two men dinner.  
  
" And even some of the married ones" Claire chimed in grinning.  
  
Auron took a spoon full of his stew and swallowed. " Great. Now I can add home-wrecker to my list of accomplishments."  
  
" I'm just saying give it a try, and besides think of all the ladies you'll disappoint." Claire persisted  
  
"They'll just have to be disappointed." Auron glared down at his stew before taken another mouthful. He almost thought he saw Jecht laughing in his stew.  
  
Claire, aggravated, clicked her tongue. " Fine, if your determined to be uncooperative then when we can just talk about something else."  
  
" Fine." Auron took another spoon full of stew. This time he left the spoon in his mouth longer and savored the flavor. "Went kind of hard on basil, huh Claire?"  
  
Braska start to cough and gage wildly as the wine that he had been drinking nearly came out through his nose. He shot his old friend a dirty look while his wife shot into a rage next beside him.  
  
***  
  
Auron never did get a around to beating up Jecht (though he certainly put it on his to-do list), who was tipped off by Lord Braska to stay out of sight.  
  
Even thought Jecht bragged he wasn't afraid of Auron he took heed to the warning. He was in no hurry to get into any psychical confrontation with any body, especially Auron; what with that ache in his back and all. Damn couch.  
  
What Auron did get around to doing however was getting ready for the first of his many dates. He sat on the bench in the park starring into the distance. He was disappointed in him self. He, even after all these years, was allowing him self to be emotionally blackmailed. And the Editor had thrown on quiet a load.  
  
" What do mean you want a retraction?"  
  
" That publication you printed was of falsehood. It didn't come from my hand, but a friend's who was playing a practical joke."  
  
" But we've got so many letters here," the Editor ran his hands through a large pile of mail planted on his desk " and there all from women want score a date with you." He paused, "at least I'm pretty sure there all from women, but that's not the point. The point is all those lovely ladies that will be heartbroken."  
  
" That is none of my concern."  
  
"Always so blunt, no wonder your single" he uttered under his breath.  
  
" What, " Auron (luckily for the Editor) been heading towards the door and was out of hearing range.  
  
" I said, it's so sad. Some of those woman had never even had a chance to date before, because they had their live cut short by Sin," he sighed and gazed out the picture window of his office, " some of them are so lonely. They have no family or friends. They saw this as their golden opportunity.oh well. That's none of your concern."  
  
Auron's clenched his jaw. He knew very well what the man was trying to do, and it had worked, " fine."  
  
The Editor, who still had his back turned, suppressed a smile. "Fine what?"  
  
" I'll do it, but only a few."  
  
" That's wonderful," the man could no longer fight off the urge of showing his glee and a wild grin grew on his face. " Now where would you like to go on your first date? A fancy restaurant or a romantic picnic in the park?"  
  
Auron had chosen the restaurant, but thought it would be easier on both him self and his date if they meant up in a discrete place.  
  
"Hi, I'm Carmen," a young woman greeted, strolling up to Auron. "Hope I'm not to late."  
  
Auron frowned behind his collar. The girl looked no more than 23. He had been made to believe that woman he'd be seeing that evening would be around his own age. "You are on time. Shall we leave?"  
  
"Hey," she shouted as Auron's fast steps caused her to lag behind, "what's the rush. I thought you liked taking long moonlit strolls."  
  
" If you are referring to that ad in the paper, then you've been misled," he stated flatly continuing his pace. He didn't wish to explain things further.  
  
"Misled? Are you saying that you didn't write sweet, romantic, heart- pouring ad. That this whole thing was all some cruel joke from the people at The Farplan Daily," the young woman arched a brow.  
  
" You are half correct. This dating nonsense was part of a joke-I doubt it was meant to be cruel. Also, though they played paws in this, the Farplan Daily is not directly responsible for this deception." Auron groaned, " a colleague of mine is."  
  
"So then" she began, fixing her face into a snarl. "Why did you even bother to show up? Was it out of pitty," she hissed put her hands on hips. "Wait," a thought dawned on her "is this a pity date?"  
  
" Well actually I was compelled to because-" a plan quickly hatched in Auron brain and he turned around to face her. "Yes, yes this is a pity date."  
  
Auron assumed that now the young woman would feel as though he thought her desperate and her pride would over take her and she would go home.  
  
Carmen ran up and latched on to Auron's arm "I'm fine with that. Let's go!"  
  
He peered down at her "aren't you offended?"  
  
" Yeah, alittle. But hey, living or dead it's hard to find a good man." She squeezed his arm, "especially with on with a reassume like yours, Sir Auron."  
  
"Humph," just his luck she was shameless.  
  
*** That night's date had gone terrible.  
  
Carmen had proven to be wild and flirtatious while Auron remained his usually quite no-nonsense self.  
  
Needless to say both had aggravated each other quite a bit and both went home with ill feelings. But at least the former guardian had thought one good thing had came of it. Carmen, that awful loudmouth woman, would go and tell anyone in the Farplane who would listen how rotten the night had been. Thus putting an end to this dating rubbish.  
  
But sadly to say it was not the end.  
  
Carmen, to spare her own ego, told all her friends that things had gone great. She was heard to say that Auron had been "a charming gentleman who knew how to treat lady."  
  
That little white lie ended up causing Auron to lose many of his free nights to the single women of the Farplane.  
  
But after 12th date and the 12th woman asking him "do you want to dance in the moonlight?" Auron put his foot down and refused to go on any more dates.  
  
Now that his nights were free he took to doing what most dead Spirans did in their free time, watch the living.  
  
The Omega Sphere was located in the center of the Farplane City. The Omega Sphere was described as generally being an over sized sphere, with the exception of its ability to view all of living Spira.  
  
During the day the Omega Sphere were crowed. People who had so much to live for who had kicked the bucket way before their time packed along the outer rims of the sphere hoping to catch a glimpse of their loved ones.  
  
It could be pathetic at times, the way dead marveled at the living. That's was why Auron would wait until night come around.  
  
Gazing through the aquamarine glow of the Omega Sphere Auron took note to just how much Spira had changed; reverting back to the way it had been those thousand years ago. Then he started to wonder how they were doing. Ah yes, that group of young people that had helped him destroy Yu Yevon and end the spiral of death. How were they all? Auron began to focus his mind towards the village of Beside when his thoughts were suddenly disrupted by a loud feminine cough.  
  
"Excuse me," the woman said flatly.  
  
"Yes," Auron replied not taking his attention from the sphere.  
  
"Your in my spot."  
  
"Have your name on it?"  
  
"Well if you want to get technical, just look beneath you."  
  
Auron glanced down to see the letters S-A-M-A-N-T-H-A carved into the concrete. "My apologies," he whispered and moved out the way.  
  
There was silence for a between them; both observing a Blitzball game at Luca.  
  
During the fourth half of the game the match was solidly set for the home team with the score: 21-0. The opposing team was angry, they knew it was the end, so in a rage one of their stronger players came up behind the star player of the home team and knocked him clear into the stands.  
  
"Pathetic," Auron and the woman snorted together in disgust. They turned to each other, and the woman smiled.  
  
"Sourer loser."  
  
"It's always like this," Auron replied. "A very unruly sport with no respect; that is why I do not care for Blitzball."  
  
The woman's smile faded, "you don't like Blitzball?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Neither.. do I," the woman stared at the former Guardian in amazement.  
  
"Then why are you watching it," Auron inquired.  
  
"I thought you were watching it."  
  
"Why didn't you change it."  
  
"I felt bad for making you move," she said still looking amazed. " I never meant anyone that didn't love that moronic game. Tell me, what else don't you like?"  
  
Auron smirked, "it would be a rather long list. I don't think you wish to hear it."  
  
Samantha gave a short laugh, "Believe me I've got nothing but time Mr." she hadn't caught his name.  
  
"Auron," he said taking a good look at the woman; she was slender with a coffee complication and she strait ebony hair that was tied back. She wasn't wearing any make up so he found it easy to guess her age; he suspected it to be between 31 and 34.  
  
"Well Auron, I've been having family problems," Samantha dropped down to her knees. " My sisters have really been on nerves, that's why I came off a little snappy at you about my spot-sorry by the way."  
  
"Apology accepted. Sibling tension is understandable, " Auron got a mental vision of himself strangling Jecht.  
  
" They keep meddling in my personal affairs. They insist that I should find some one and they've both been getting obsessed with the idea. I could just bash their heads together for what they did last time," she hissed.  
  
"What did they do."  
  
"They put me in that damn love ad in paper."  
  
That sparked Auron's attention, "they did that to you?"  
  
"Yeah," she whispered turning her head, she regret telling him that.  
  
Auron completely turned around to face her, "don't be ashamed. A friend of mine-he's more like a brother--did the same to me."  
  
Samantha's smile returned, "well, don't we have a lot in common: We both hate Blitzball and we both want to beat the tar out of loved ones."  
  
"Yes that is very odd," Auron noticed Samantha stumbled coming up from her knees, and grabbed hold of her hand to helped her up.  
  
"So ya gonna to tell me, " she said folding her arms.  
  
"Tell you what?"  
  
"Are you going to tell me what bugs you."  
  
Auron chuckled, " you want to listen to me to me complain?"  
  
"It's not complaining," Samantha stated defensively. "It's openly voicing your opinion on things you find disheartening."  
  
Auron smiled, "where should I start."  
  
"The beginning."  
  
"That's very long."  
  
Samantha reached for Auron's hand, "the best stories always are." 


	3. Intermission: Explanations

Intermission and Explanations ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------- Hello everyone, hope your enjoying the fic thus far. Episode III of the Farplane Series is currently in production, but before I forget I feel I have to explain something.  
  
Time in the Farplane goes slower then time in the living world, i.e three months equals two years and two weeks equal six months.  
  
Hope this will make things clear for Episode three.  
  
Auron: Humph. So i.e. don't go E-mailing the author about how you don't understand how certain events are going on in Spira and being watched in the Farplane. For thought she wrote this rubbish, her understanding of it is very little.  
  
LM: That's right you tell'em Au-Hey! I understand what I wrote. I'm not stupid!  
  
Jecht: (slaps LM on the back) Now don't take offense, there ain't no shame in being stupid.  
  
Auron: Yeah I mean it's people like her that were dumb enough to come back night after night to see your Supremely Cheesy--  
  
Jecht: That's Sublimely Magnificent jackass!  
  
LM: Like it matters  
  
Auron Magnificent Jecht shot Mark III.  
  
LM: I'm warning you two, ya better be nice to me or.or else!  
  
Auron: (realizing it's an empty threat) Or else what?  
  
Jecht: (snickering) You'll write us out the story. Ha! You can't, we're the main characters.  
  
LM: He's right Auron I can't write you out. But I CAN have you angst over bent up love for Rikku and have you go into a flash back love scene with her.  
  
Auron:..  
  
LM: And as for you Jecht, how about I give you your own fic.  
  
Jecht: (snorting) Well I like to say it's about time.  
  
LM: (grinning evilly) A nice slash between you and Braska!  
  
Braska: Hey what did I do?!  
  
Jecht: (eyes bucked with horror and speaking just above a whisper) That's.that's just wrong. x_x  
  
LM: Nothing, but when I get insulted all shall suffer! So are you guys going to straiten up or do I have to get nasty?  
  
Auron/Jecht: (through clenched teeth) We'll be good.  
  
LM: (smiling brightly) Fine, on with the story. ^_^ 


	4. Stories From The Farplane Episode III

There was once a slight misconception among the masses of Spira. Many people believed that a priest or priestess was the same thing as being a Summoner; one just precluded the other.

That notion was false. There was a big difference. Being a priest meant that one had to be claim, reserved, and spiritually connected to the world, and to the people of Spira.

On the other hand, being a summoner meant that one just had to be spiritually connected to the faith; a good summoner needs nothing more. But a great summoner however, was spiritually inclined with everything around them: the earth, the sea, the heavens and most importantly his guardians.

Lord Braska considered himself a great High Summoner.

Lately Lord Braska had taken notice to a change in one of his guardians. Auron hadn't been making himself present as much as he use to. For three months Braska and Jecht had seen less and less of there dear friend.

While at first Braska had dismissed his former guardian's scarceness, Jecht's constant bantering about Auron's behavior finally got under his skin.

"I'm tell'in ya Braska somethin' is going on," Jecht declared momentarily taking his attention from the concert that played on Omega Sphere.

"I'm beginning to agree with you," the High Summoner sighed.

"I hardly see the stiff SOB any more, it's creepy. I go to his house, he's not there. I go to the gym he's not there. And he damn sure don't come here no more, cause we've been hang'in out at this dump every day for two weeks and he ain't shown his face. Hey," Jecht turned to Braska, "you don't think he's still mad about that love Ad thing do ya?"

The summoner shook his head, "no, Auron's never been one to hold anger. If he were still upset he would have confronted you by now." Braska rubbed his chin, "I suspect a different plot is afoot."

Jecht snorted, "like what? He's got a girlfriend or something?"

"Maybe," it wasn't what Braska had been shooting for, but it did seem perfectly plausible now that Jecht mentioned it.

"No way."

"Why not," Braska asked flatly. "I think you and I both know nothing takes up time quite like a woman."

Jecht sneered, "tell me about it." The former Blitz star got a mental flashback of all the countless man-hours he put into pleading with his wife to let him back in their bedroom. "But still, this is Auron we're talk'in about here, Auron. The man who turned down the High Priest daughter."

Braska sighed again "there's a reason for that."

"Oh yeah, like what? And don't give me that 'he didn't love her' crap. Cause I remember seeing pictures of that woman and she was hot. I'm talk'en so hot there wasn't a man living or dead who couldn't learn to love her."

Braska shook his head, suddenly getting intensely serious, "there was something about that woman, something dark, something sinister, something down right evil. Something I'm not at liberty to talk about."

"Well I don't care," Jecht crossed his arms stubbornly. "I still say that stiff don't have a woman!"

"What makes you so sure?"

"It's simple Braska, we're his best friends, his boyz! And no guy ever starts a full-fledged relationship with out running the goods by his boys for inspection," Jecht proclaimed confidently.

"Maybe he feels that the matter is personal and none of our concern," the high summoner pointed out.

"I remember back when I was in high school," the former blitzer said getting off subject.

"Man I tell ya, I had all the girls," Jecht reminisced as his trade mark cheesy grin slid on to his face.

Braska groaned, was it possible for that man go five minutes without talking about himself.

"Yup I was irresistible, not to say I'm not now mind you, just that I'm kind of taken now with the wife and all."

Braska gave up on the conversation, and whipped out a nail file and began to give himself a manicure.

"And I just didn't let any old girl ride the Jecht express, oh no. She had to have it all, like that hot little piece right there," he beamed pointing to the young woman in the ultra short mini skirt who was working her moneymaker across the rotating stage. "Yeah that little missy could book a passage any time she—," Jecht halted as he got a facial glimpse at the scantly clad girl. "Opps! Sorry Braska, that's your daughter."

That caught the high summoner's attention.

Braska's eyes went wide with panic as he saw his little girl gyrating in front of hundreds of drooling men. He dashed to the Omega Sphere and pressed his face and hands against the glowing screen as a deeply disturbed scream rang from his throat, "YUNA! HONEY PUT SOME CLOTHS ON!"

Stories From The Farplane

****

Episode III: No Need For Relationships

"What time is it?"

"A little past midnight"

"I should go home now before my family starts wonder where I am."

"Of course, goodnight then," the former monk went to plant a kiss on the woman beside him when two fingers stopped his lips.

"Auron, when are you going to tell your friends about me," Samantha interjected.

The pair sat in the place where they could only truly have privacy, the Farplane's (legendary and romantic) field of flowers.

"Your right it is late, I should get you home," Auron sat up and began to walk off.

"Oh no you don't," she tugged his hand and made him stop, "your not getting out of this conversation again. Now answer my question," she snapped.

"Why do you wish to go through this again when you know it will only yield a argument?"

"It only yield's an argument because you never want to answer my question," Samantha pointed out.

"I will tell them when the time is right."

"It's been three freak'en months. The time isn't getting any righter," she spat impatiently.

"Humph, it isn't like you've told your sisters about me either", he said casting a dark glare on Samantha that made her release his arm.

"I'm…going to tell them," she said sheepishly.

"When" Auron asked in a high pitch tone, mocking his girlfriend sarcastically in a poor imitation of her voice.

"You don't know how they are," she whined. "If they knew about us they'd be meddling in our relationship none stop, I wouldn't be able to shake them."

"Oh and I suppose my friends—friend—is any better," Auron scoffed. He didn't mind telling Braska about the special some one in his life, but Jecht was another story.

Seeing that she couldn't win the argument Samantha shifted tracks, "listen it's been a great night, let's not ruin it by fighting." She put her arms around Auron's neck and smiled seductively.

"Then I'll hear no more of this 'telling my friends about us' nonsense," he pulled her close and rapped his arms around her waist.

Samantha smiled and looked deeply into her love's eyes, "honey I promise you'll hear no more of this tonight."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day the morning was picture perfect, as it always was in the Farplane. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and an ex-Blitzball star was screaming at the top of his lounges.

"Awww damn it," Jecht swore slamming the front door upon his arrival from the mailbox.

Hearing her husband's scream Kolista dashed from the bedroom into the living room where he was. Her flimsy nightgown whirling around her as she lifted a baseball bat above her head in attack position. "What is it baby, more Yenova witnesses?"

"Naw, it's nothing like that," Jecht motioned to his wife to lower her weapon. "I lost a 1000 gil bet with Braska that's all."

"Oh," Kolista sighed in relief and tossed the bat on the floor. "What was the bet?"

"That Auron didn't have a girlfriend."

"And he does?"

"Well obviously," Jecht snorted. "This invitation to meet them for dinner tonight is signed 'From Auron and Samantha', " Jecht shot bitterly flicking the note on the coffee table.

Kolista looked at her husband blankly for a moment before she busted into convolutions of laughter. "Auron with a woman," she flopped down on the sofa and crossed her legs, "now that's rich. Some one's playing a joke."

"Yeah that's what I'm say'in, but which one of Auron's friends would do something that mean," Jecht's questioned, his voice becoming hallowed as he went into the kitchen.

"You would dear," his wife smiled sweetly "you're an ass."

Jecht's head popped out from around the corner "well I know that," he said slightly agitated. "But I didn't know anything about it and I know Braska would never do anything like this." Jecht rationalized the situation as he ravaged the freezer for anything that was instant and could fill the void of hunger that was currently pinching his stomach.

"Well how many friends does Auron have, I mean he never seemed that sociable to me."

"He isn't," Jecht slammed the freezer door furiously. He had came up short in his hunt for nourishment. "Come to think of it, me and Braska are his only friends." Jecht dejectedly walked backed into the living room and joined his love on the sofa.

"Hey Lista, when ya planning on going grocery shopping."

Kolista didn't even bother to look up from the magazine she was reading to answer that question, "grocery shopping? There's food in there."

"Two freeze pops and a waffle is not food," the ex-Blitzer shot bitterly.

"You don't need anything heavy to eat right now any way. You need to save your appetite for dinner to night with Auron and his new beau."

Jecht turned away annoyed, "I ain't going to that."

"Ok….than give me some money," she said putting out her hand.

Her beloved didn't move, "what for?"

"Well if we're not going out for dinner I'll have to cook," Kolista wiggled her fingers in front of her love's face. "And I have to buy dinner before I can cook it."

Jecht's face suddenly became twisted with fear at the prospect of Kolista cooking. His wife was a great beauty, but her domestic skills left much to be desired. "On second thought, I think I will except that invite tonight."

"Oh ok….then give me some money," her fingers wiggled again.

"For what" Jecht snapped, he was angry at the fact that he was not off the finical hook.

"Because if I'm going out tonight I'm going to need a new dress." Jecht narrowed his eyes and frowned in a vain attempt to show his displeasure.

"Now don't give me that look. You always say that I'm an extension of you, and I know you want to look good right?"

Lousy woman, she had backed him in the corner again. Jecht grumbled something nasty under his breath before he reluctantly handing her some gil.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You did WHAT?!" Auron's growled over the com-link.

"I said wear something nice tonight, we're meeting your friends for dinner ," Samantha repeated nonchalantly.

"Did you not say, just last night, that you would not worry me with this nonsense again?"

"I said you would hear no more of it 'that night,' learn to listen."

There was an uncomfortable long pause, and Samantha swallowed hard. Auron was pissed now, she could tell. Every time he got completely quiet he was pissed. She would rather have him yell at her, call her every dirty name in the book; he didn't have to be mad to do that. Yet he was silent and silence was bad.

Defeated, once again, Samantha did what she was did best, apologize. "I'm sorry" she choked out. "It was wrong of me to go behind your back." Still quiet, she tried again.

"You don't do such things to me….it isn't right of me to do them to you…." Still there was silence. "….Whom I care for," she said through clenched teeth; she was getting annoyed. Honestly what the hell did he want? She ate crow, she said she was sorry, what else did he want? It was like he was setting her up or something. Then it dawned on her, he was. Shit.

"You don't respect me" he spat coldly. "How can you claim to care for some one you don't respect? Some times I question your caring for me."

Yadda yadda ya here we go again, Samantha had heard this speech before. She could have kicked herself for not seeing this coming earlier. "Listen honey I'm very very sorry about this and I'll never do it again," she sighed.

"You better not" he threaten.

"So you forgive me?"

"Yes" he grumbled"

"So I'll see you at dinner to night."

"I suppose," Auron groaned.

At that moment chibi Sam started to do a victory dance in Samantha's head. The woman liked to win.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My baby was never like that," Claire screamed. "I know where she got it from—I'll tell you where she got from, that dirty Tidus boy!"

"Tidus is hardly to blame," Braska retorted. "If there is any one to point the finger at its that Rikku character," he grimaced in a hushed tone.

"What?"

"Nothing. So dear have you decided to accompany me to the dinner tonight" said Braska who ceased the opportunity to change the subject.

He had come to regret telling Claire what he had seen on the Omega Sphere last night. Surprisingly, she had ended up being more furious about the whole situation than he was, and had ranted about it all morning.

"Of course I'm going with you," she wasn't going to believe Auron had girlfriend until she saw it for herself. "Though I doubt this Samantha person really exists," Claire began to walk away from Braska. "It's probably just another one of Jecht's dirty jokes! That's where Tidus gets it from. Like father like….." She turned around to see her husband was no longer in her presents.

Braska had fled into the living room when his wife foolishly turned her back. He reached for the communications link. The Priest needed to verify something.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why does everyone always accuse me of everything?"

"I'm not accusing you of anything Jecht, I'm merely inquiring."

"For the hundredth time, I did not write that invite Braska! To be honest with ya I was wonder if you knew anything."

"My friend I am as in the dark as you are."

Jecht grunted, "well then how bout we both get enlighten?"

Before Braska could comprehend what he meant, Jecht had clicked over. When he returned Braska could hear another com-link ringing over the line.

"Jecht what are you—"

"Keep quiet" he ordered.

A second later, a deep stern voice answered the phone, "hello?" Both Jecht and Braska kept silent. There was a sigh, then the voice lightened. "Samantha…….sweetheart?"

"Yes cupcake" Jecht finally replied.

Braska fought the urge to laugh, as he could almost hear Auron sneering. So Samantha did exist.

Auron's stern disciplinarian tone returned "what do you want Jecht," he snapped.

"Now now muffin, that's no way to act. Haven't heard from ya in a while. Your ain't available like you use to be, what's up?"

"Nothing is up" Auron said sounding deeply annoyed.

"Ya suuuuuurrrrrrre" Jecht taunted.

"I am positive," Auron said through clenched teeth.

"Cause you know buttercup, I got an invite here that says different."

"I can't talk now," Auron said rushing Jecht off the phone. He knew where this conversation was going, and he wasn't up for the discussion.

"But honeybun" Jecht began, his voice getting sickeningly sweet, "what's the matter?"

Auron's patents we're being worn dangerously thin, "you know Jecht you already have one brown-beating in storage for the that Love Ad nonsense, so just keep it up!"

"Why ya push'in me off the damn phone? I just want to talk to you, ya stiff bastard," Jecht yelled getting some what serious.

"I have to call some one."

"Who?"

Auron quickly whipped up an excuse, "if you must know, I have to speak to Braska".

"No need, he's right here—Say hello Braska."

"Good evening Auron" Braska chimed in.

Caught in his lie, Auron got quite. "Auron….are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Well, you said you needed to speak to me, so speak." Braska said adopting his usual innocent tone, "or have you nothing to say?"

Auron grunted, he had misjudged the situation. He thought that Braska would play peace maker as always, but today his former master decided to take up sides with ex-Blitzer. The scenario slightly perturbed him, but he laughed in spite himself. "Need a little help huh Jecht?"

"Wha'dya talk'in about?"

"What's with the pincer attack" Auron snapped.

Jecht snorted, "well we had to corner you some how, and since one-on-one thing wasn't work'in, I figured a little tag-team action was in order."

"And now that we have crossed that unpleasant bridge" Braska began, amusement drifting into his voice. "Perhaps we can get to the proper subject."

"What proper subject" Auron asked passively. A little stalling never hurt anyone.

"Now don't get cute, ya know damn well what--or should I say 'whom' we're talk'in 'bout."

"You'll meet her tonight," Auron groaned "if you find it in your good graces to make a appearance."

"What, no free preview" Braska mused.

Jecht snickered, "what she look like? Be honest, is she hot or has she broken a few mirrors in her day?"

"Goodbye Jecht."

"Awww come on, answer the question," Jecht taunted refusing to give up the conversation. "Or is it, you can't"

Auron refused to dignify his moronic friend's question with a response and hung up the com-link.

Braska sighed, "well done Jecht."

"Yup" the ex-Blizter laughed, "I'd say we made real progress."

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Braska and Jecht, accompanied by their wives, showed up at the restaurant described on the invitation promptly at seven o'clock. Both men were decked out in their best, well the High Summoner was at least. The ex-Blizter was in his semi-best, and it had taken a heated argument between himself and Mrs. Ex-Blizter before he got changed into that.

"This sucks" Jecht barked at his wife as he adjusted his collar. "Why did ya make me wear this stink'in shirt?"

"Stop complaining honey, you look fine" Kolista said with a soft smile that made the corner of her mouth twitch.

Despite her pleasant tone of voice, Kolista was highly annoyed with her husband. Though she had won their spat over his dressing attire, he had still managed to call her a few nasty things prier to her victory. She hadn't forgotten it, though she acted as if she had. After all, company was present.

"Yo Braska, do ya see that stiff any where. I'm tell'in ya if he bailed on us--"

"Calm down Jecht. He's over there," Braska pointed forward. Sitting at the third table from the left was the not to pleased legendary guardian and his lady. (While Jecht and Kolista turned to see the couple, Braska looked at his wife and rubbed his thumb and two fingers together in the universal "pay up" gesture.)

Auron, at Samantha's compulsive need to be on time, had been there with her a good thirty minutes ahead of time. During the middle of the day she had been gripped by the paranoia of being late and demand that Auron met her early. Now, however, she sat cool and collective (or at least pretending to be), at Auron's side.

"Hello" she cried, spring from her seat at such a velocity that Auron had to grab her chair to stop it from shooting across the room. "I'm Samantha."

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you," Braska said casting a brief amused eye on his friend. "I'm Braska and this is my wife Claire." They both did a slight bow.

"Yup and I'm Jecht. So now that we've got the pleasantries outta the way ya think we can get around to ordering?" He plopped down his seat and began to peruse over the menu.

Kolista forced out another smile, "honey aren't you going to introduce me?"

"This is Kolista," Jecht mutter unenthusiastically without looking up from his menu.

"His wife" she added, then took her seat.

"So, how long have the three of you been friends," Samantha inquired making petty conversation.

"Quite some time," Braska replied taking a sip of his wine.

"Yeah the longest" Jecht sighed. "Yo waiter" Jecht yelled snapping his fingers, "we're ready to order over here."

"You are ready to order," Auron quickly corrected.

"Well let's go! I ain't ate all day."

"Well who's fault is that?"

"Technically it's--"

"I'm ready to order now," Kolista chimed snapping her menu shut.

The six of them order and then a long uncomfortable silence filled the table, well actually just Samantha was uncomfortable. The rest of the group seemed unmoved by the lack of conversation.

Braska was kissing Claire's hand while she gazed at him lovingly. Kolista was looking in her compact and fixing her lip liner .Auron seemed content staring off into space and Jecht was happily gawking at the back side of a near by waitress, until Kolista looked up caught him and hit him on the arm.

The sound of the smack snapped Claire out of her trance. Realizing how rude she was being, Claire offered up a compliment as an apology "oh Samantha, I love your dress. Isn't the one from the Main Street Department Store Window?"

"Oh no, this is just a knock off I whipped up" Samantha said smiling brightly as she made reference to her strapless silver evening gown. She was glade that ,_finally,_ one of them had decided to start talking.

Jecht began to snicker, "yeah I guess you did have to make a dress your self. I mean it ain't like the residential cheap skate here was goanna get it for ya." Jecht looked over in Auron's direction with his infamous cheesy grin.

Kolista frowned, she thought Jecht was smiling at Samantha.

"Hey hey hey," Jecht began to chuckle enthusiastically. "I ever tell you ladies about how Auron was always makin' us sleep outside instead of a hotel because he didn't want to spend no money on our Pilgrimage?"

Auron's face fell into a deep scowl, "did I every tell you ladies about the time Jecht blew all of our traveling money by gambling on chocobo races" he retorted.

"You can't hold that against me, I was drunk."

"No," Auron corrected "you weren't. You were drunk when you attacked the Shopuff and cost us all of our money the _first_ time. The second time, with the chocobos, you were very much sober."

Jecht suddenly began to get insulted, "hey! I had feel'in 'bout Yevon's Little Helper."

"Yes you indeed had a feeling," Auron causally took a sip of his wine. "The same feeling you had for Grand Maester's Fury, Hop n' Pop, and Al Bheded All."

"Al Bheded All had that race WON," Jecht yelled furiously banging his fist on the table.

The argument going on, while being quiet amusing, was making Samantha slightly nerves; she needed to collect her thoughts. "I have to go the ladies room" she announced.

"I'll go with you" Claire chimed in, and the two of them got up and left.

Jecht took his attention from Auron and began to stare at Kolista who was planted firmly in her seat. "What" she said finally.

"Don't all girls go to the bathroom together?"

"That's just a stereotype."

Jecht's staring turned into an irritable glare; the woman just couldn't take a hint.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "go fix your make-up."

"Why….what's wrong with it," dread creeping into her voice.

"It's a little smudged right--"

"I'll be right back," she yelped hastily then took off for the bathroom.

Once Kolista was out of hearing Jecht grunted, "well that only took an arm and a leg."

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The two other women were pretending to fix their hair when Kolista busted in and pushed her way between them for her share of mirror space.

"So," Mrs. Ex-Blitzer began to say as she proceeded to apply another coat of eyeliner to her already many existing layers. "How did you and Auron meet?"

Samantha didn't answer right away. She inwardly debated on weather or not to crack on the brunet's rudeness; she decided not to. "We…meant at the Omega Sphere" she replied coolly as she smoothed her hair into place. "We just kind of…clicked"

"Wow, that's almost hard to believe" a smirk glided on to Kolista's face. "I mean, Auron isn't much of a talker. I bet I can guess who leads most of your conversations," she giggled and nudged Samantha in the side in hopes to make her feel uncomfortable. Kolista was still mad at her for the look (she thought) Jecht had given her earlier, and wanted to be mean.

However, Kolista's aiming for the other woman's discomfort missed it's mark, but it did strike her nerves. Samantha began to grip the counter of the sink so hard her bronze colored hands began to turn red.

"Yeah, he's not much of a talker, but he does listen to everything I have to say and doesn't ignore me. You know, like a husband would do to his wife after a few years of marriage," Samantha returned the same phony giggle and nudge.

Kolista's jaw clenched and Samantha's eyes narrowed.

"I remember how Braska and I first meant," Claire broke in. "It was so romantic." While the Al Bhed blathered on, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood, Kolista and Samantha stood locked in a mirror stare down.

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"Would you be as so kind to tell me just what is your problem," Braska nagged for what was probably the tenth time.

"What are ya, a marriage consoler now" Jecht shot down his glass of wine. "I said there ain't nothing' the matter!"

"What happen to giving up drinking" Braska said as his former guardian began on his fifth glass.

"Ya can't get drunk in The Farplane," Jecht snapped. Braska's beady little eyes never seem to miss a thing.

Auron grunted " besides don't you think he's tried."

"Ya know Auron, you stand on your damn soap box and judge me, but your just as big an alcoholic as I am--I mean was." For some one who couldn't get drunk Jecht was getting awfully surly.

"Unlike you, I only drank in moderation," Auron hissed.

"Ha! So you like us to believe. I knew about all those late night happy-hour sessions you use to have." Jecht's nasty cheesy smirk popped back on to his face as he began to imitate his dear friend's voice. "It's ok. You two get's some sleep, I'll take the first watch." He grunted, "yeah I guess you will. Ya didn't want to share didja' Auron?"

Auron frowned his deepest frown yet and his voice became cold and bitter, "So what if I did? I had to drink it. I had to drink it before you'd steal it!

"I ain't never steal nothing from you, ya son of a--" Braska cut him off.

"Actually….that was me," Braska sheepishly interjected. "I'd get thirsty at night and well I didn't think you mind." Both Auron and Jecht stared at him. "May we finish this later, the women are coming," Braska motioned at the three ladies heading towards the table (with a fairly long gap between each other).

Kolista, Claire, and Samantha took their seats just as the food arrived. A haze of tension settled over the table, and everyone was eating in silence. The few attempts at happy conversation by Braska or Claire was responded with grumbles, grunts, or other odd throat noises.

Kolista looked especially disgusted, why did Jecht have to eat like a filthy beggar all the damn time? She was barely able to keep her food down.

Jecht notice her look at him, "whasa a matta wish chew" Jecht asked, little bits of food flying out his mouth."

"Would it hurt you to eat with your mouth closed" she said just above whisper.

"I dom knowm," he swallowed, "would it hurt you to put on just three layers of make-up?"

Kolista's tolerance with her husband was spent, "honey just because you have the mouth of a donkey doesn't mean you have to eat like an ass."

Everyone at the table did their best to keep a strait face, with the exception of Samantha who busted out laughing.

Jecht never liked being the subject of ridicule, so turned the tables. "Who are you laughing at with all that silver on, look'in like ya just got struck by lightning."

Auron knew he should have been offended, but he couldn't hold back a low chuckle that rose from his throat; the dress was a shade too bright.

Samantha's lip curled and she gritted her teeth. She was tired of trying to be nice, sick of trying to get along with everyone. Jecht was an ass-whole plan pure and simply. So she would treat him like one.

"Well sweetie, if I got struck by lightning than your ass jumped by Freddie Kruger, all them damn scratched on ya face."

The entire table erupted in laughter and other people in the restaurant began to stare.

Kolista took a sip of her wine to clear her throat. It was clear Samantha couldn't stand Jecht, perhaps they could be friends after all.

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"He's such a jack-ass, why are you friends with him" Samantha complained to Auron who was walking her home.

"Jecht…" he searched for the right words to put it in "Jecht isn't what he seems to be. You just have to get to know him."

"I don't want to get to know him" she roared. "This evening was a complete wreak. Did you see all of those people looking at me? They probably though I didn't have any manners."

Auron grinned, "you don't have any manners." Samantha stopped walking and was about to retort when he finished. "Your loud, pushy, and terrible sneaky." He stopped turned to face her and smiled. "But that's what I like about"

She stood there for a moment, tore between being insulted flattered. "Yeah, well you got a bunch of faults too" was the best she could come up.

They started to walk again until Samantha notice they were getting a little to close to her house. "Hey, this is my stop" she tugged on his arm. "You can turn around now."

Auron preceded to walk, "no I can't."

"Huh?"

"I expected."

She got nerves "what do mean--"

"I called your sisters this afternoon. Told them you would introduce me tonight."

She looked at him and frowned. "Humph. You aren't the only one who can make last minute arrangements," he said grinning.

"You suck" Samantha spat.

"I know" Auron rapped his arm around her, "but that's what you love about me."

The End

A/N: Bet ya thought I wasn't going to finish did ya? Well here it is, over and done! I'd like to thank everyone that read and put up with the huge gap between up dates.

This fic, as some of you know, is the stepping stoner to my next project. A huge comedy FFX-FFX-2 fic. Hey maybe I'll do a preview or something.

LM signing off.


	5. New Fic Preview

_

* * *

Things in Spira are always changing, everybody's out to get something or the other, at the cost of throwing Spira into peril of course! _**

* * *

Gippal: You can't Fire Me! I'am your leader. **

**Al BhedOffical:**Your making us look bad, gettin' busted for bootlegging weapons to the Guado

**Nooj:** How dare you ask me to step down! I gave you order, I gave you victory!

**Youth League ****Official**: So this isn't a sphere of you and Lady Leblanc having--

**Nooj: **I'll hand in my resignation in the morning.

**New Yevon ****Official**: Prator Baralai we feel it would be best if we dissolved your role in New Yevon.

**Baralai: **(shaking in a corner like a new born baby just snatched away from it's mother) Whatever, just keep them away from me! Please make them stop. There after me!

**New Yevon ****Official**: ...Sir we've been through this. There is no one after you.

**Baralai:** You can't see them, because there hiding! Their there! Their after me!

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* * *

No __wonder Yuna always feels apprehensive about everything, the world always needs saving! __**

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"Today on Eye On Spira we take a look at Senator Vera from Bevelle..." **_

**_Tidus:_** So what's with the suspicion Yuna

**Yuna:** I don't know what it is, but there's something about her I just don't trust.

**Senator Vera:** (looking pretty and evil)I'll get my hands onthe Great Power if itsthe last think I do!

**Clasko:** Senator they over cooked your Hot Pocket again.

**Senator Vera:** (looking deflated) Oh damn.

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And sometimes when the chips are really down you need help from Legendary Guardians! _

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Auron:**_ (hands rapped around Tidus's neck) What part of this is your world now don't you seem to understand! 

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**_

_You don't have to be mad about it and you don't have to be glad about it. Just get the job done, Any Which Way You Can!_


End file.
